Dismantling the Ice Age Franchise

​By: Oli Ostofferson

Recently I found myself looking into the Top 10 highest-grossing movie franchises of all-time and something didn’t sit right with me about the list. Where in the hell is the Ice Age franchise? With 5 total movies in the franchise and another spinoff of sorts on the way, it was shocking to me that the 5th highest grossing franchise of all-time (at $6 billion worldwide) was forced off the list strictly because it lands below franchises such as X-Men, DC, The Fast and Furious, Lord of the Rings, and Jurassic Park. This is clearly based on the agenda of Big Film to keep Ray Romano out of the spotlight, and it is disgraceful.

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Regardless, that is for another day. What we’re here for today is much darker and deeper than Ray Romano. I want to bring to light why the Ice Age franchise should’ve never existed. Sure, we all love Sid, Manny, Diego and the adventures they get into as the franchise progressed, but it never should’ve played out that way. Sid should’ve become King Sloth and ruled as a tyrant over the entire sloth race, Manny should’ve never found love and participated in traditionally suspect Mammoth activities, and Diego should’ve gotten to continue to prey on humans and lower-ranking animals in his food chain.

You’re probably asking yourself "how were all of these storylines prevented?" Well, it is the fault of someone who you least expected: the damn baby from the first movie. That sadistic little bastard has been pulling the strings from the start. If it wasn’t for the baby wanting his mother dead, the gang of Sid, Manny, and Diego that we came to know and love would’ve never formed in the first place.

Sid’s life was RUINED. Diego’s life was RUINED. Manny’s life was actually better, but that isn’t important. The sanctity and loveable aspects of this franchise should’ve been null and void. The real tragedy in the U.S. isn’t opioids, it’s the events behind the Ice Age franchise, and that devil baby is the one to blame for it all.