By Oli Ostofferson
Joe Shiesty. Matty Staffy. Patty Packets. Jimmy Pornstar. These are the names that will leave NFL fans begging for a break from the action on Sunday, January 30. These four gentlemen, each of their own style and own hair cut, will be a part of such an unappealing NFL slate that it hurts. As someone who has a great love for the NFL and more importantly the playoffs, this past weekend offered what might’ve been the greatest weekend in NFL playoff history. Four games that all came down to the wire and were all exciting in their own right, left the casual NFL fan like myself yearning for hours more.
Unfortunately, I am coming to the realization that I don’t think we’re going to get that again. The more I look at the 3:00 EST matchup of the Cincinnati Bengals and the Kansas City Chiefs, the less I look forward to it. Even though they’re exhilarating to watch, the Bengals are not a complete team and they do not compare to the talent or experience of the Chiefs. I am a resident hater of Patty Packets and I will be for the rest of his career unless he forces a TB12 level of respect onto me without consent. There is nothing more that I want than a Bengals Super Bowl run for the ages, as do most football fans left that don’t have a team in the race. They are America’s dog.
My AFC Championship Prediction: Bengals 24 – Chiefs 35
Onto the 6:30 EST matchup Los Angeles Rams and the San Francisco 49ers, a classic divisional game in the NFC championship. I’m sure you’re thinking that I am going to be a basic little man and pick the Rams because they’re flat out a better team, but you’re f*&%ing stupid. Kyle Shanahan has gotten Jimmy Pornstar to an ABSURDLY high win percentage when you look at Jimmy’s actual skill level. Kyle is a generational genius and owns Sean McVay like it’s his job. I think the 49ers are going to dominate the game, whether it is reflected on the scoreboard is yet to be seen. Matty Staffy may be more like Matty Ice in the sense that he is going to be ice cold in the game on Sunday. History suggests that Matty Staffy is known to choke in big games on the big celery sticks.
My NFC Championship Prediction: Rams 17 – 49ers 31
Thank you for your time, it feels great to be back in the AYN2K writing scene. I’m better than all of the readers.
Photo Credit: pressboxonline.com