By Thad Buchanan
Alright, let’s think about something cool real quick. I had the opportunity to ask my father a question that I think everyone who was born in the 60’s or 70’s should be asked. I looked him straight in the eyes and asked "when you were my age, did you think you would have a flying car by now?"
So we apparently landed on the moon, right? I've never been on the moon, so how can I say for sure others have? Regardless of your beliefs on the moon landing (for courtesy, I’ll pretend like the government tells the truth like a young school boy in his Sunday trousers that wants the new Honka Tonka toy), I do have one question: it has been 50 years since man went where no man had gone before, so where is my flying car?
I mean, what the friggin Ferdinand Magellan is going on. Our country has been to space, yet my car gets 20 MPG and people wear blankets with sleeves around in public. What are the United States' priorities? I know for a fact that it sure isn’t making a sequel to Stand By Me where we find out how those kids lived with themselves after not helping that dead kid have a proper funeral that his family deserved.
Video games have developed at an astounding rate, yet if I drive and try to eat oatmeal out of a french fry basket, I’ll potentially come back home with a "Defcon 5" level meal stain on my pants. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worse than a meal stain.
I was playing this new wild west style video game and my life in THAT was way better than the real life that I have. In that virtual life, I could ride a horse, and I could "cold cock" any person that thought they were better than me. I play these war games that make me a hero even though I die several times, but it’s okay because the game always brings me back. Come to think of it, I can’t imagine that never ending nightmare of death and respawning. Honestly, it’s a mentality that I respect.
Do you realize that at one point video games were poles and bars? Yes, back in the day, children neglected fleeting family time and financial stability for the sheer pleasure of a ball smacking around on some bars on their TV. How have video games come this far, yet I lack confidence in my ability to provide for my future family? Like, what the friggin' Fredrick Douglas is this?
All I want is for it to be socially acceptable to use electric trimmers instead of razors. I’m tired of being made fun of. It gets the job done, and it doesn’t hurt anyone but me sometimes. I also feel like the expectations for my life are too great for me to reach and I’m drowning.
The point is, where are the flying cars?
Photo Credit: euronews.com