By Thad Buchanan
The Power Rangers. We all know them right? Maybe you heard of them 100 years ago when they first came to the screen, or maybe you are still watching them now. The reality is that the Power Rangers are still powering on. There are literally a billion different versions at this point. As a child, I grew up watching this show and loving every second of it. They had cool costumes and every episode was action packed. Watching it was just part of my morning routine. Now I find myself at 22, looking at them in a different light. You see, I’m a deep thinker, and I started to observe the Rangers again through my adult glasses (both literally and figuratively). As I sat observing them, a question popped into my mind. Were the Power Ranger a bunch of Idiots? In this article, we will take a dive into this popular franchise and learn the lesson the Power Rangers teach us. Anyone, literally anyone, even a highschool student that with failing grades and a low IQ, can be a hero.
Here is the basic plot of Power Rangers if you have never seen it. Basically a group of kids get these powers to defend Earth because they are “worthy.” Every episode is literally the exact same thing with a new villain. Some bad guy appears, so the Power Rangers squad up and fight the minions. After they beat the minions, the Power Rangers will fight the boss. At this point, all you see is sparks on the screen because apparently no one bleeds in this universe or every weapon straight up sucks because no one ever really gets hurt. The Rangers will beat the boss and think it’s all over until the villain grows bigger than the Rangers use their Megazord to beat them again.
It’s literally the same thing every time. Seriously these kids have to be idiots. First off, how is it always that kids are the worthy ones? I’ve talked to tons of kids that are the Power Ranger’s age and none of them could defend the Earth. I just have to assume that the Power Rangers have no other friends except the other Rangers? I guarantee they all have the most cringe-worthy conversations because they all try to be friends seemingly due to the fact that they have no other choice. These guys are never at school. How has there not been an episode when a resource officer finds them and informs them that they are truant? What school system would put up with this? These students have to be failing.
You know it actually makes more sense to me now. Each character looks like they are 30 and are apparently in High School, but in reality they have been failing school their whole lives. They don’t have any other friends because no high school student wants to hang out with some 30 year old that talks about wearing spandex suits and fighting aliens. That is a no brainer. You don’t hang out with those people. Regardless of their education, they are even stupid when it comes to their job. How have they not realized that the alien is just gonna get bigger every time? Even though it happens EVERY TIME, they always celebrate and start walking away after beating them the first time. Where is the government in all of this? Apparently aliens have been invading Earth almost every day. Shouldn’t they try coming up with some defense besides these weird kids who are going to flunk out of highschool? I highly doubt the Power Rangers have more firepower than the military. Once again, may I point out, their weapons just cause sparks. I don’t care how big those aliens grow. I’d love to see them last 5 seconds against an AC 130. They’d be dead before the Rangers plucked a wedgie from their crack. Seriously, can no one do better? News flash Zordon, give the Rangers a glock instead of the power of friendship. This is the one superhero type of show that I really hope children don’t mimic. Kids please get some form of education and hang out with people your age. News flash! The friends you have in high school will most likely leave you eventually unless you never leave and fight aliens together with some bald Mr. Freeze looking guy called Zordon.
Man I just realized this article is terrible and not nearly as funny as I thought it would be.
Photo Credit: deadspin.com
Authors: Isaac Bayer, Thad Buchanan, Quinn Eaton, Garrett Howell, Cole Manion, Dawson Martin, DJ Pigg, Adam Redfern
Anything could be in here...it is like the junk drawer in your kitchen!