The Los Angeles Lakers have been through a complete roster overhaul heading into the 2019-2020 season. With additions such as Anthony Davis and Danny Green, the "Lake Show" looks to be going from missing the playoffs to title contenders. The Lakers currently have the 2nd best odds (behind the Clippers) to win the 2020 NBA Championship.
Hypothetical debates have long been a part of the sports landscape, such as "could the 16'-17' Golden State Warriors beat the 95'-96' Bulls?" However, there is one match up that I don't think a lot of people are talking about: could the 19-20' Los Angeles Lakers beat 3 rhinoceroses?
There are three things in this game that will determine the winner: size, height, and heart. Keep in mind that a regulation size NBA basketball court is 94 feet by 50 feet, and that a Rhino is on average about 12 feet long and 6 feet tall. Though Lebron James and Anthony Davis stand taller than the average rhinoceros, these brute animals will still likely alter their shots. S&*t, stand all three rhinos in a single file line across the free throw stripe and you have a hell of a half court defense. The best offense is a good defense, and these rhinos will not be giving a lot of baskets up.
That being said, it is unlikely that the rhinoceros team will be able to put up great offensive numbers. Unless these rhinos were trained in shooting basketballs, they will most likely struggle to put the ball through the hoop. Even if they were trained, their shot taking would be highly predictable as it is unlikely they know how to fade away or shot fake. If players such as Javale McGee or Demarcus Cousins are willing to get close enough to the rhinos, they can probably block and contest a fair amount of their shots.
The rhinos definitely have the upper-hand when it comes to the intimidation factor. As a sports team, it is always beneficial to put the fear of death into the opposing team, and with the rhinos being extremely capable to horn any of the Lakers (assuming it is legal) and throw them like rag dolls potentially killing them, Lebron and company would be most concerned with making it to the end of the game in one piece rather than winning when the buzzer sounds. Being completely honest, coming away from the game with minimum scrapes and bruises would be the "victory" the Lakers would be looking for. And trust me, the rhinos will play rough because they are wild animals that don't understand the game of basketball and definitely do not like loud noises and large crowds. Simply put, the rhinos will be ready to play, and they'll be ready to play dirty.
So who ultimately wins this match-up between the Lakers and 3 rhinos? It really is tough to say, but I believe as long as the Lakers scored one time, they would come away victorious. I know that I am not giving enough credit to the offensive skills of these 5000 pound beasts, but I just do not see the trio of rhinoceros spreading the floor and getting out in transition enough to bring down the Lakers. Rhinos are surprisingly fast animals, with top speeds around 30 MPH, so though one might be able to burst down the court faster than a basketball player, I see the rhino with the ball having trouble making the outlet pass.
If a Lakers player can just make one layup, jump shot, three pointer, whatever it takes, then play hot potato for the remainder of the game, I see the "Lake Show" coming away with the win. It would be a VERY close game though, and I think a lot of people would pay to see it (if their safety was guaranteed).
Pretty confident in your team huh Lebron? You won't prove greatness by beating the Warriors, the Clippers, or the Bucks. You'll prove that you are an all time great on an all time great team if you can take down some actual, wild rhinos. Make it happen.
FINAL PREDICTION: Lakers- 2 Rhinos- 0 Injuries- Likely
Photo Credit: youtube.com, fightforrhinos.com