By Scooba Wang (Pseudonym)
If you don’t like Star Wars then stop reading this right now, go to your parents wherever they are, hand your father a belt with the buckle side facing up and tell him to teach you a lesson. If you love Star Wars or your Dad just gave you the whipping of a lifetime, welcome to an article that will leave you wanting more. I have been a Star Wars fan since I was born because my mom “ forced” me out. The only franchise that comes close or stands equal to that of Star Wars is the amazing work of J.R.R Tolkien with the Lord of the Rings films. But I’m not here to talk about him because his stuff was amazing and didn’t get screwed up like Star Wars did. Marvel, I’ve seen your movies, they are good, but lick my butt, you aren’t even close to these franchises. Throw in a brother and sister kissing and then we'll talk.
My parents raised me right and I started my Star Wars journey where it was intended to start: the original trilogy. I saw movies that changed me forever as I witnessed the path of Luke Skywalker, the average joe turned hero. Luke Skywalker, to me, represented the American who just does nothing special then wins world wars like it ain’t nothing. So I got through the original trilogy, and in time a new trilogy was released that answered so many questions that the originals left unanswered (the prequels). I saw the underrated yet absolutely stunning character of Qui-gon-Jinn, the man himself Anakin Skywalker, and the failed master with survivor's guilt, Obi-wan. Yeah, the prequels were not perfect but they still felt like Star Wars and brought joy to the universe. I saw all of this greatness that was Star Wars, then I saw the bottom of the toilet. The leftover stuff that just sticks to the bottom of the seat from weeks and weeks of splash ups. I saw the absolutely terrible sequel trilogy.
I mean what the heck was that crap? It was absolutely awful. I feel terrible for Carrie Fisher, Harrison Ford, and Mark Hamill. They got absolutely screwed over. Don’t even get me started on R2-D2, his lines fell absolutely flat and were poorly written. There were only two good things that came from the sequel trilogy: the amazing Adam Driver and my questioning of feminism placed in hollywood movies. They were sloppy and they were just stupid. Never once did I watch one of these movies and feel like they actually belonged in the story. You see, I have the story that we deserved. I have a way to fix them, to change them and make them something worth watching. This brings us to the whole point of this article. I will be releasing bit by bit my vision for how the Star Wars sequel trilogy should have been presented and how it could become one of the best stories in history. We together will go through an original story that actually builds characters and leaves the franchise in a place it has never been, rather than the exact same place we were in after Episode 6. Literally! I mean Episode 9 left us in the exact same place we were after Episode 6. What was the point of any of it? Anyway, please join me, Scooba Wang, as we take a journey to a galaxy...
Far Far Away.
Photo Credit: starwars.fandom.com