By Quinn Eaton
Sources within a vague shouting distance of people with information are reporting that Joe Biden has officially picked his running mate for his 2020 presidential campaign: Bob the Tomato. Biden chose Bob the Tomato because he said he was a well rounded individual. Joe was quickly informed that having Bob the Tomato as his Vice Presidential Candidate was "impossible" and "fictional," and after a brief rebuttal, the former VP agreed.
Biden will now reassess his decision and officially announce his (second) choice for his running mate as soon as today.
Photo Credit: bigidea.fandom.com, breitbart.com
By Quinn Eaton
Though this is under the news section, this surely isn't breaking news to anyone. There actually wasn't even a vote, but if Time Magazine did decide to award "Worst Year Ever," 2020 has an unbelievable resume. I think we can all relate to this picture from The Simpsons with Homer wistfully muttering "Oh will this horrible year never end?" That, quite possibly, is the worst part: we still have a ways to go. It's like we are a little over halfway through the workday and we spilled coffee on our shirt that we had already spilled coffee on that morning and spaghetti sauce on at lunch. The shirt is a disaster, but hey, might as well power through for the rest of the day. The following phrase either really works with that metaphor or cancels it out: 2020 is a wash.
Authors: Thad Buchanan, Quinn Eaton, Cole Manion, DJ Pigg, Adam Redfern
Here you can read news in a more relaxed and entertaining way.